Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
