It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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