I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
