I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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