I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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