i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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