He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
