I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
