Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
