Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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