Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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