Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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