She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
