Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
