sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
