That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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