Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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