God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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