i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My balls are so social today.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
