I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
