My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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