I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
