youre lurking in front of me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
