Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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