all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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