I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hippo gnu deer
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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