guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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