I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
