4 words: hood of his car
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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