I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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