is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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