Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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