How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
