the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
