When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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