There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
They have beer where we have blood.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
