dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How's work?
Spinning.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
