dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
