I'm going to jail i love you
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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