im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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