Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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