yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
