someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you had me at cake vodka
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
