I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
