Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
