Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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