You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
