is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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