I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
