I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
