Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
