Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
