Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
