Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
