I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
