if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
