just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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