The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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