Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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